They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
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I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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