She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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