I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
