TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
