capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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