even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
found the other keg... it's in the tree
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
So squirting runs in the family.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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