U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
