she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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