Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
