apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
