Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
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