He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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