How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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