so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
