dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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