he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
