So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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