So drunk its hurt
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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