Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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