Got a toothbrush?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Randomize
