just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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