I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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