stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
