It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize