I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
