fuck your aforementioned shoe
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
