its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
