I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
