Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
