I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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