you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize