Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize