I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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