Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
