i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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