got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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