HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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