Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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