guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
