White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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