According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
