he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
