oh fat girl friday strikes again...
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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