if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
