im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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