I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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