Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
