Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Is it penis luge time yet?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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