So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
