My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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