Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize