she woke up with a sticky ear
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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