Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
