and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
