Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
