okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
