just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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