Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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