Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
