what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize