Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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