Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
