This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
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