why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Randomize
