youre lurking in front of me
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
