Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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