I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
