whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
