I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
My butt remains clenched, sir.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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