hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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