It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
