Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
