I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
