You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
