i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Randomize