Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
