Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
