Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
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