how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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