I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Someone came in the potted fern
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
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