i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
