Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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