her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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