Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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