yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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