Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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