i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
