erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize