Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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