why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
