After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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