I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
