hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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