mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
