they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
